HTGA: A Review By A UH Student
What follows are the impressions of a University of Houston student who sat in on an HTGA meeting (AKA, “The Monday Night Meeting”). The meeting was held on Monday, December 7, 2009:
Last night after work, I went to the Havens Center to observe a support group for the transgender community. It was raining and traffic was terrible, and at first I considered changing my plans and going straight home on such a dismal, dreary night, but somehow my car just headed over towards the center anyway. I wondered what I might learn from this group and would any of it be new. I wondered if I might know anyone who would be attending the group that evening. I worried that I would feel different and out of place and would be made to feel unwelcome. How ironic.
Once inside, a lovely lady wearing a lavender blouse and a lilac head scarf, smiled and asked if she could help me. I introduced myself as a student and asked if it would be okay for me to join them, and she promptly invited me to sit with the group. We chatted amongst ourselves for about thirty minutes and got to know each other just a little bit, and then the meeting was called to order. The lady who had welcomed me was also the group moderator. I was very touched by the mission statement that she read; it was simple yet eloquent.
After some general comments by the moderator the floor was opened to the group for individuals to discuss various issues and situations. The topic was “greatest fears and desires”. It was heart-wrenching to listen to some of these people describe their fears, which mostly related to losing their current employment or never being loved. Some felt they were not lovable, and clearly were in an incredible amount of emotional distress and pain. I thought for a moment about feeling unworthy of being loved and my heart felt very heavy. Something I had taken completely for granted my whole life is the very same thing that these wonderful humans had been denied by those who should have given it freely, without question or judgment, and without making them believe they had to earn it. How does a transgender person earn the love of his or her parents and family? In most cases the answer is to conform to their parents’ desires and social norms, even if it means being untrue to themselves and their gender identity. Obviously this can lead to a great deal of emotional stress and internal turmoil.
The group members were in various stages of transition and it was fascinating to hear their interactions as they discussed and compared doctors and therapists with whom they are working. Some were very excited and seemed ready to move forward to the next phase of their transition, either with surgery, electrolysis or mental health counseling, but not everyone was happy with their “trans” status. In fact two of the group members were quite distraught and anxious on this particular evening. Other members of the group have successfully transitioned but continue to face issues of acceptance and discrimination at work, in society at large, and in their personal lives. Depression and anxiety seem to be common and several group members acknowledged that even though they are largely content with their lives as they transition, they are still susceptible to very dark episodes and must fight daily to avoid buying into the negativity that often surrounds them and succumbing to depression.
I heard the words “acceptance” and “tolerance” used several times during the meeting and it really made me think. The idea that some people need to be convinced to “tolerate” other human beings is really quite distressing. Isn’t kindness, dignity and respect a set of basic human rights to which everyone is entitled and with which everyone deserves to be treated?
I feel very blessed to have been given an opportunity to have just a tiny glimpse into the daily lives of this amazingly strong and courageous group of people and I am extremely grateful that this group welcomed me and allowed me to hear their stories. In life, everyone has a story, and every story deserves to be heard. Every life is valuable and is to be celebrated, and every person is more than just a sum of their parts. My experience at the Havens Center was both heart-wrenching and heartwarming and it’s an experience I would have regretted forever had I missed it.
I was there, myself on one of those meetings and find all the ones I attended very helpful. Thanks to HTGA, I came out to my family and almost all of them accept me as “Darla” now, since I am happier and more functional than I was as Darryl. I have a much better social life than ever before-I am dating again after 10 years.